Original: October 30, 2007
At my first defense, no one came to my support, but everyone deserted me. May it not be held against them. But the Lord stood at my side and gave me strength, so that through me the message might be fully proclaimed and all the Gentiles might hear it. And I was delivered from the lion's mouth. 2Timothy 4:16-17
Do you have a memory that still hurts?
Is there a moment in your life that elicits tears every time you go back to it-a memory so painful that just the thought of it brings emotion? The most vividly painful memory in my life was not the day my parents divorced, not when I found my hunting dog Jesse on the side of the road dead, or the day my favorite grandfather passed away.
It was the day we pulled our kids out of school one day earlier than expected because our moving plans had changed. It was difficult enough sitting down and telling my young boys that we were leaving their six grandparents and three great grandparents to move 1,000 miles away to McMinnville, Oregon. But during the packing stages of our move we learned that Shanna’s grandmother in Idaho had passed away. We made the difficult decision to move up in time for Shanna to attend the funeral services, which would mean pulling our kids out of school on Friday instead of the last day of school which was the following Tuesday. Reluctantly, we drove to their school on a Friday afternoon to tell the boys to say goodbye to their friends now.
They would never return to Monarch Grove Elementary School again. Ever.
I still can’t even go there (in my mind) without getting emotional as I think of the little expressions of shock, fear, and sadness on James and Darby’s faces as they said their final farewell to what would soon be their forgotten childhood friends. It was a mistake. I am man enough to admit it. It was a conscious choice I made that caused unnecessary pain for my two oldest boys.
As Paul reflects on his life those memories took him back to what may have been his most painful memory. Physical pain is rarely remembered but emotional pain can last a lifetime.
Paul, the lover of people, stood alone.
All of his ministry, all of his leading others, all of his life, and now his memory stands on that day that Paul was left alone. A tear must have swollen in his eyes as he penned the words, “At my defense no one supported me, but all deserted me.” (4:16)
Those closest to him chose to turn their backs instead of watching his, they ignored his persecution, and chose to look the other way.
But someone was there with him remembering a similar moment. “Then everyone deserted him and fled.” (Mark 14:5)
Did Paul second-guess himself? Did Jesus? Have you ever second-guessed a choice that, “seemed like a good idea at the time”, but time has left you in a pool of regret? I have. This must have been one of those times for Paul. One of those times, however, until Paul remembered a familiar presence when God “the Lord stood at my side” Paul writes. Not only did God arrive but He “gave me (Paul) strength” (4:17).
The question for us is in what way was Paul strengthened? Exactly how did God give Paul strength? Was it a physical boost? Was it a five-hour energy drink? Was it an emotional lift? Or, was it a heightened mental boost of insight and wisdom? So, here is what I have learned about men and my guess about Paul-the man.
The greatest way to rob man’s strength is to weaken his heart. A man’s heart is the key to his strength. Watch sports and you see this all the time as a team gaining momentum and the opponent concedes; losing heart. Paul did not need physical strength. He needed the heart to fight, the heart to want to win, and the heart to make his “proclamation” (4: 17).
In Paul’s darkest, loneliest hour God took a broken-spirited, deserted, lonely man and lifted him up, picked him up and strengthened him up enough to speak up. Paul remembered that day not as the day he was deserted but the day God came to his rescue!
