Jan 21, 2019

Framing Your Wife Well

Her husband is known in the gates when he sits among the elders of the land… and he praises her:  “Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.”
                                 ~Proverbs 31:23, 28b-29

My wife is a picture we are proclaiming to the world. Another way of putting it is that we—as husbands—paint a portrait of our wives to the world. She is the canvas and how you portray her is the paint. Portrait, is defined as, “a representation or impression of someone or something.”
          For almost two decades I portrayed my wife wrongly to my sons in an effort to win an argument or look better in their eyes. In so doing I painted a distorted image of her, one of the biggest regrets of my life. By the grace of God, I’ve changed how I paint (portray) her and it has changed every aspect of our marriage.          In the book 31 Days to Paradise: Creating The Marriage You Dreamed AboutDonald Minter tells readers to master “the art of making sure your mind focuses on good things regarding your spouse” He calls this “framing”.
          How do I paint Shanna to the world? How do I portray her to my family? How do I frame her in front of my friends and associates?
          We speak about the “Proverbs 31 Woman” as the goal for a godly woman. But let's dig deeper. Look closer. Lean into what’s really going on here. Her husband is a community leader (23), as he frames his bride in a positive light: “Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.”
          When you call the love of your life, “The-Old-Ball-and-Chain”, change tones in a demeaning way when quoting her, or speak negative about her, in that moment you don't love her well. Worse, you are framing the one person you’re called to love the most in the most heinous and derogatory ways. You are inviting those in your world to paint a negative picture of your wife, which is the exact antithesis to what the Scripture demands, “In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it. (Ephesians 5:28-29)”
          How do you frame your wife to others? Give yourself a grade A-F. Be honest. Don’t blame her for your poor portrayal. Make the appropriate changes to become the husband God requires, because when you get it—everyone wins.